#21 Growth: Embracing 30: A Journey of Growth, Celebration, and Overcoming Insecurities

In this empowering episode, we dive into the transformative experience of planning a milestone birthday celebration. Join me as I recount the journey of organizing my 30th birthday party, breaking free from societal expectations, and embracing personal growth. From facing insecurities to taking initiative, each step of the process holds valuable lessons for anyone looking to create their own meaningful celebrations. Discover how letting go of expectations can lead to liberating experiences and unforgettable memories. Whether you're approaching a milestone birthday or seeking to step out of your comfort zone, this episode is filled with insights on how to make your celebration truly special. Tune in and be inspired to take charge of your own milestones, and share your thoughts and experiences with us!

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Embracing 30: A Journey of Growth, Celebration, and Overcoming Insecurities

Hey there, it's me! I recently celebrated my 30th birthday, and it was an experience filled with growth, insecurities, and breaking free from societal norms. In this blog post, I'll share my journey and the valuable lessons I learned along the way.

1. Embracing a New Decade:

Turning 30 is just the beginning! I refuse to buy into the notion that the best years are behind me. Instead, I see it as an opportunity for new adventures and growth.

2. Challenging Insecurities:

As I planned my own celebration, I encountered various insecurities and fears. The societal expectations around turning 30 can be daunting, but I chose to face them head-on.

3. Taking Initiative:

Rather than waiting for someone else to plan my party, I took the initiative. This decision allowed me to celebrate with the people I care about, on my terms.

4. Overcoming Resistance:

Sending out invites and following up wasn't easy. Insecurities tried to hold me back, but I pushed through. The result? A gathering filled with love and support.

5. Letting Go of Expectations:

I learned that whether I plan my own party or someone else does, it doesn't dictate how much I'm loved or valued. Letting go of expectations was liberating.

6. Embracing Growth:

Through this experience, I realized the power of growth and pushing past comfort zones. It's a reminder that sometimes, the most rewarding experiences come from facing our fears.

Planning my own 30th birthday party was a transformative experience. It taught me to embrace growth, face insecurities, and let go of expectations. So, whether it's your birthday or another milestone, remember that taking charge of your celebration can lead to incredible growth and cherished memories. Have you ever planned your own birthday? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

Transcription:

00:01

Hey, hey, it's Samantha with the Rediscover Real podcast. I am so thrilled to be here with you. Are you feeling overwhelmed, confused, or stuck on a hamster wheel from constantly seeking external tools, validation, and buffering in a search for more joy and fulfillment?

00:27

Rediscover real means to pull back the curtain and return to the foundation, peeling away the layers of mindsets, identities, and beliefs that no longer serve us.

00:39

As we choose to grow, move forward and show up fully as God intended, because at our very core, inside of you lies everything already. As God created you, absolutely perfect. We get to uncover and rediscover what's inside of us and then to expand into what we're capable of.

01:03

In this space, we'll dive into topics on personal finance and budgeting, mindset and growth, relationships, network marketing and entrepreneurship. I'm sure there'll be some laughter and possibly a few tears along the way. I'm on this journey and you're invited. I'm holding out my hand for you. Will you join me? Let's rediscover real together. Today we are talking about my 30th birthday that I...

01:33

celebrated this spring. And it comes actually with the topic just around growth and the idea, all the insecurities and fears and imposter syndrome and all sorts of things that came up for me because I decided that I wanted to have a birthday party to celebrate turning 30. And just for the record, 30 is just the beginning.

02:02

I'm just getting warmed up. We are just getting started. This isn't oh you're 30, you're old now or oh my gosh when I was planning it the amount of Pinterest pictures out there that are like death and like let's have a black birthday because we're 30 and it's all downhill from here. The amount of messages I got on my birthday from friends and people that I care about and they know they care about me and they

02:32

But a little not jokingly, we're like, how are your knees today? Or, you know, how's your back? How, you know, do you feel old now? And I mean, we know those are just jokes, but there's also truth that pops up in that. And for a lot of people, they feel like the good years are over.

03:00

And I refuse to believe that because quite frankly, my 20s were really, really tough. And a lot of my teen years, well, there was a lot of good stuff in both of those decades. Well, there was a lot of good stuff. There was also a lot of hard, a lot of hard. And so, and while there's definitely going to be hard in the next 60 decades, because I plan on living for a long time, Lord willing.

03:30

I feel like I'm just starting to maybe sort a few things out in my brain and do some growth and like things feel good even on the hard days. There's good, so much good. So I decided to plan this birthday party because I wasn't going to wait and have the expectation that just because I was turning 30, someone else should plan a party for me.

04:00

An expectation is probably gonna be unmet because everybody's busy with their lives. And even if I was in a season with a significant other, that's not something that they necessarily want to do, are gifted at, whatever those pieces are. And so, but I wanted to celebrate. And I wanted to celebrate with my friends and family and people that I love and care about. So...

04:29

I mentioned it to a few friends and I was like, I think I'm gonna plan my own birthday party. And I think I'm gonna have a birthday party. And it's funny because even the other day, I was talking to some people who don't know me as well and they asked what I did for my 30th and I said I hosted a birthday party and I kind of got these like raised eyebrows like, oh, wow.

04:59

you planned your own party. And they didn't say anything negative, but there's that like, wow, okay. Like no one else was gonna do it for you or like, and so the pieces that come up and the emotions that come up just when somebody brings that up, it's really interesting to me because on their side, I have no clue what they're thinking.

05:27

they could be looking at it with like, oh wow, good for her. Like she didn't wait for someone else. That's cool. Like she didn't put that expectation on someone else. Or if I was sitting in insecurity, which I did when I first started this, when I first decided I was gonna host my own party, the idea that like, who does she think she is that she would host her own birthday party? And that like, that fear. And so then as I started,

05:56

you know, talking to my friends and stuff. And it was really strongly there. Now here's the thing that really encouraged me. One of my really incredible mentors had planned her own 40th birthday party, I believe it was 40th, on her own. And she's happily married to an incredible guy and all the things, but she knew exactly what she wanted for her birthday party and she wasn't gonna put that on him to somehow like,

06:25

read her mind and figure it out and whatever. So she planned this super awesome birthday and they had a blast and her friends had a blast and it was a fantastic time. And it didn't, there was no strife or discord or you know, well, why aren't you planning something for me? Don't you love me? Whatever, all those things that come up, right? She just did it. And so that was a couple of years ago and I watched her walk that out.

06:51

and walk out, she shared about her insecurities as well. And I'm super thankful for that. She's an incredible, incredible mentor. And so when I started looking at this, all those fears and insecurities came up for me as well. And that like, well, what will people think? I don't like, will people think that I'm like, I think I'm something special? Who does she think she is? You know, for me, the idea that like,

07:20

Well, what if no one wants to come to my party? And so I put it off and put it off. And finally, one of my really dear sweet friends that I told about, I'd spent some time at her house and then I was driving with her and she's like, okay, I'll make the invite for you. Cause we were like three weeks out from my birthday and I still hadn't sent out any invites because I wanted it, I wanted to like send out an actual invitation, like not in the mail, but like make a nice invite to at least send them in,

07:50

text or whatever. And so she created the invite for me. And I was actually taking her to the airport. So she created it while we were driving, sent it to me. She went off on a trip for a week. And then I was picking her up from the airport, like a week later. And I waited until the night before, I picked her up from the airport to send out the invitations. Because that's how much resistance was coming up for me.

08:19

Not that I didn't wanna do it, not that I didn't think it would be really fun, not that I didn't think my friends would want to come, but so many insecurities. And the biggest one was that like, well, who does she think she is? She's not special enough to like host her own party. Like, what? And that line in my head was so strong, which is completely not from God.

08:47

and doesn't serve me in any way, shape or form. So I sent out the invites to a bunch of my friends and really special people in my life. And I'm so thankful for each one of them, whether they were able to attend or not. And I, but I sent it out as like a save the date first, because depending on how many people were gonna come, kind of dependent on what my plans were gonna be, whether we went to a restaurant, whether we did something in my yard or something else, et cetera.

09:15

And depending on who would also dictate it, right? If there were kids coming, if it was kind of more my single friends or whatever that looked like, right? So

09:28

A lot of people were like, oh, that'd be fun. You know, some people said they weren't able to make it right off the hop. And that's totally fine. Some people didn't answer and that's okay too. Um, but then I got to like follow up on my birthday, like follow up on my invitation. Now, if you work in sales and marketing at all, there's, or if you are somebody who, well, if you, if you exist, you've either been on the receiving end.

09:55

or you've been on the other end where you have to follow up with someone. And sometimes that can feel really uncomfortable. And depending on how you do it, if you're on the receiving end, it can feel really, you know, quote unquote, salesy, which whatever, um, or pushy or whatever those things are. So here's the thing. I told everybody to RSVP by a date and you know, in true fashion, cause everybody has lives and they're busy, not very many people RSVP'd and got back to me.

10:23

And so then I had to follow up. So not only did I have to send out the invitation, not have to, I got to, okay? Send out that invitation, but then I had to send a follow-up message saying, hey, do you think you're able to make it? I'm just trying to make plans and decide. Now, if you're in an unhealthy space mindset and growth wise, if I followed up with you and was like, hey, are you able to make it? Can you come? That might feel like pressure or...

10:52

feel like I'm guilting you into coming or any of those things. That wasn't the case at all. I just needed to know answers so that I knew what restaurant to book or what to do. But it also, from a growth perspective, if I was in a really place of fear or scarcity, I easily could have sent messages that felt like that had the wording and the phrasing and the tone and the energy behind them of like trying to guilt people into that, right? Instead,

11:21

to be able to just go, okay, I sent out the invites to these people. I trust, first of all, that like whoever's supposed to be at my birthday will be at my birthday. And I'm just thrilled to celebrate with whoever's able to make it. And not everyone's gonna be able to come. So to remove the expectations from everyone, family, my closest circle of friends, my extended circle of friends, extended family, long time, you know, friends and other people.

11:48

There were no expectations whatsoever. And I hope that everyone felt that. That I simply wanted to celebrate with whoever was available and I would love to have each person who received an invite at my party. But if they weren't able to make it, that's okay. But there were, yeah. And so I had to send out these follow-up messages and some people were like, yes, no. And then some people were like, maybe. And I was like, okay, cool.

12:15

So I need to plan and now I have all these maybes, what do I do? And I was going to have dinner at a restaurant and because that removed the, like, you know, am I hosting? Do I buy all the food? You know, all those pieces, right? It can, I don't want to have to do dishes on my birthday necessarily. Right. Um, and it happened to fall right on my actual birthday this year. And so that was really cool. So, but looking at the list and P, you know, some people were able to make it.

12:45

earlier and some people had to leave and whatever and so I was like you know what I think it would be easier if I hosted a party at my house. So you want to talk about like who does she think she is to host her own birthday party at her own house and then we're gonna kind of do like a potluck because I don't want to have to cook all the food on my birthday and even outside of that I mean if we were going to a restaurant people would pay for their own meals.

13:15

And so being okay with asking people to bring a piece, you know, of, you know, what we were having for dinner and to put people in charge of certain pieces, right? Can somebody pick up plates and napkins or can, you know, like whatever those things were, felt really uncomfortable because the mindset I had was that they were doing me like a favor and like it was this big favor and like.

13:43

I was putting them out by even inviting them to my birthday, let alone asking them to bring something, which then was like 10 times, you know, now I, you know, not only do you have to show up to my birthday and take, you know, time out of your day and spend gas money and all of those things for quote unquote little old me, but now I'm asking you to contribute to the food and that felt really uncomfortable. And that was the growth I got to step into.

14:13

of I'm not forcing anyone to come to my birthday. They're doing this because they want to, because they love and care about me, and I'm so honored by that and by each person who took the time to show up and to do those things and to help and to clean up and all of it, every piece of it. I felt so honored and so loved and so cared about.

14:38

But they willingly did it. And there was by no means that like air of I think I'm special.

14:51

It was simply, it was just, it just was. And being able to sit in that felt really uncomfortable for me. And so I'm curious what that brings up for you if you would plan your own birthday or party and invite people to that.

15:14

and to have to follow up with some people multiple times. And at one point, I was like, a lot of my really close circle, they're really busy, as with everybody, they're really busy with their lives. And there was like one friend who had actually committed to being there. And then a couple of my like family members who, you know, were committed to being there. And I was like, it's gonna be like.

15:45

three of us, plus some kids. It's fine, like I don't need to have a big party, but I was expecting to have more than three people. And so to follow up again, and again, not from a place of scarcity or guilting people or making them feel like they have to, but just, I'd love to have you here. I'm putting this, like, I'm bringing this back up again, because we all know we forget things. And I need to know to plan food.

16:13

And so there ended up being over 20 people that came and I was so blessed. It was such an incredible day. And it was so special to me to get to celebrate with each one of those friends and family members. Um, and like, so, so special to me. So the next time you go to do something and if you feel that resistance, and here's the thing, I didn't necessarily realize a lot of the, the head stuff that was going on.

16:43

until I realized I would like, all I noticed was that I kept putting it off and I was like, oh, I'm busy. Everyone's busy. Maybe I shouldn't do it. It's a busy season. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?

16:58

Those were all just excuses made up in my head for what was actually going on and pushing myself to go through with it and to do it. Cause there were multiple times where I was like, maybe I should just cancel it. Like, it's too much, not gonna do it. But that wouldn't have served me. And the growth that came out of doing that was so huge. And I'm so thankful for that. So I'm curious in your life where those, if you've ever felt that.

17:27

Have you ever planned your own birthday? What does that look like? Or would you? Maybe you have a milestone birthday coming up and you're like, well, I'd love to do something. I've been like hint hinting at somebody, a significant other or a family member or friends or just hoping that someone would plan something for me. Here's the thing. If you can step into that healthy place, it doesn't matter whether you planned it or someone else planned it.

17:58

that has no reflection on how much people love you, care about you, want what's best for you, want to celebrate you, none of that, none of it. That has no reflection on it. And removing that, that that does not have any reflection of how much they care about you is so huge. Those expectations. So, or where in your life have you had

18:26

expectations and they've gone unmet and it's created resentment or it's created a fight. It's created that like well they must not love me that much while I thought about they care. I thought they cared about me more than clearly they don't really care. Whatever those things are because that's not really the case. So I would love to hear. I hope this has been insightful. It's been on my mind for a long time but there's been so many other topics that I wanted to

18:55

share with y'all, it kind of got pushed and I was like, hey, we need to talk about this. You just finished another episode of the Rediscover Real podcast.

19:03

My hope is always that you come away encouraged. And if you found this valuable, would you share it with a friend? And be sure to tag me on social media. I love seeing your takeaways. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes. And I would so appreciate it if you took a second to rate and review this podcast so that more people can find it. Also, take a peek in the show notes for a link to my website that has a special gift

19:33

listening today. As always, I'm on the journey and you're invited. Let's rediscover real together!