#27 Money Mindset: Stewarding Your Finances for a Meaningful & Peaceful Christmas

🎄 This holiday season, join me as we explore the art of simplifying Christmas, prioritizing self-care, and aligning our festivities with our financial goals. Discover the power of quality over quantity in gifts and activities, and set realistic expectations for a stress-free celebration. Dive into a new money mindset that emphasizes thoughtful presents over consumerism, guiding you to steward your finances wisely. Explore the joy of choosing quality time with loved ones, creating lasting memories in alignment with your values. Tune in for practical tips on achieving a meaningful and financially sound Christmas.

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As Christmas approaches, the hustle and bustle can be overwhelming, especially for moms juggling numerous responsibilities. In the midst of the chaos, it's crucial to pause, take a breath, and prioritize self-care. In this blog post, I'll share insights on embracing the true spirit of Christmas, focusing on creating lasting memories rather than succumbing to the pressure of material gifts.

1. Self-Care Matters:

As a mom, it's easy to feel the weight of making the season perfect for everyone. However, remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritize self-care to ensure you can genuinely enjoy the festivities and take care of your family.

2. Quality Over Quantity:

Amidst the holiday chaos, it's essential to realize that the perfect gifts, elaborate meals, and flawless decorations won't matter if you're burnt out and exhausted. Emphasize the importance of creating cherished memories over the quantity of gifts and activities.

3. Set Realistic Expectations:

Communicate openly with your family about expectations for Christmas. Whether it's adjusting gift-giving traditions or opting for experiences over material possessions, setting realistic expectations can alleviate unnecessary stress.

4. Money Mindset:

Reassess your approach to spending during the holiday season. Instead of succumbing to consumerism, focus on stewarding your finances wisely. Remember, the value of a gift is not determined by its price tag, and thoughtful, practical presents often hold more significance.

5. Choose Quality Time:

Shift the focus from material gifts to quality time spent with loved ones. Engage in activities that foster connection and create lasting memories. Whether it's a movie night, baking cookies, or enjoying a winter outing, these experiences will be cherished far more than material possessions.

This Christmas, let go of the pressure to conform to societal expectations and consumerism. Choose a path that aligns with your values and priorities. By embracing simplicity, setting realistic expectations, and focusing on meaningful moments, you can create a truly memorable and joy-filled holiday season for you and your loved ones. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year filled with love and cherished memories!

Transcription:

00:00

Christmas is almost here, and you're probably running around, you're maybe listening to this even while you're on the way to go do some shopping, whether it be for gifts, whether it be for food, whether it be for whatever else you need to run and do and you're busy with in this season, or you're on your way home from somewhere or from an activity or from work, and you have that massive list in your head of all the things that need done to be ready for Christmas. Now,

00:30

If you're listening to this as a mom and you feel the weight of making things quote unquote special and perfect and all of those pieces for your kids, for your spouse, as a family, for extended family, all of those pieces, I want you to first of all pause for a second and breathe.

01:03

And again.

01:05

And then I want you to remember that you can't pour from an empty cup.

01:11

And so to take care of yourself first.

01:17

Because that in turn takes care of your family and your loved ones, whatever that looks like, even if you don't have kids.

01:26

Then...

01:31

And with actually with that, I want you to also remember that no amount of, and this is, I'm gonna say this probably, it's gonna sound like a broken record by the end of this episode. No amount of gifts and special food and the right food and the perfect food and the perfect treats and the perfect Christmas baking and the perfect gifts and the perfect wrapping and the perfect activities and all of the things are going.

01:59

to matter if you're showing up burnt out and exhausted and cranky and like an awful human. None of it's gonna matter. The memories matter, the stuff does not matter whatsoever.

02:21

And so remove that weight, let it go. And you get to choose, you get to choose right now if you wanna hold on to that and feel that, or if you wanna let it go. Now I'm not saying like go sit on the couch and eat bonbons for the next like two weeks in your spare time. You can for sure do things. But make sure it's in alignment. And that it's not at the sacrifice.

02:48

of being a nice human and showing up as one. Because I can guarantee your kids, your spouse, will remember more the attitude, the tone, how they felt leading up to Christmas, then all the running around, then making all the family happy, then being all the places and all the things to everyone. It's okay to say no. And it's okay to say no to things that you previously had said yes to.

03:18

You know what, I'm sorry. I have to take this off my plate. I simply can't do it all.

03:27

It's okay. Now to apply this to a money mindset piece.

03:33

Again, it's okay to take things off your plate. It's also okay to readjust expectations. And I think it's really important to set expectations. For kids, as parents, you're nurturing and you're parenting. And I'm not about to like tell you how to parent, but I will say setting expectations in any relationship is key. And as adults who are nurturing children,

04:03

And even as someone, as currently Auntie Sam, who has kids in her life, setting expectations beforehand is crucial to set whatever it is up for success and to set the kids up for success. So if that means from a budget perspective that this year where you normally would do stockings and gifts and they would have multiple gifts under the tree and big gifts and little

04:33

stockings and then gifts under the stocking and gifts from extended family and all these different things.

04:43

Set expectations. I remember growing up a couple of years having discussions with my mom mostly as like all of us kids would be like in the suburban headed somewhere. And I remember her like she would ask like, well this year, you know, would you guys prefer stockings or would you prefer presents? Like which do you like the most? And we got to tell her and a lot of us, we all kind of love stockings. That was really fun for us. We had these like.

05:11

mom had made these custom ones for us out of different stuffed animals. She chopped off them and sewed onto stockings. They're really cute anyways. And so that was when my... And now reflecting on that, at the time it wasn't like a sit down and tell the kids like, well, we can't afford to do all of that. It was, which would you prefer? If you had to choose...

05:40

And this year, you know, we might do one or the other. What would you rather? Or, you know, we're doing this big summer family vacation this summer, that's going to be your Christmas present, the big Christmas present for all of us, or we're going away in January, or whatever those things are. And so like, you know, we've got you something little so that you, you know, you something small so that you can open something on Christmas. But the big present is the trip.

06:08

And I think that's so important to set those expectations.

06:15

Because then you don't, as parents, we often have that like guilt and shame. I see this with so many of my friends who are parents. And I've seen this with my own, I've seen this, I've seen this in the past with my own parents as well. Of like, well, we thought this. And it's just because there's this, their perspective, their, what they think is going to happen because it maybe it's happened in the past or, you know, their friends are, you know, they hear what their friends and their parents are doing or.

06:45

They watch shows on TV, whatever those things are. They have these notions in their heads, right? They're kids. So not to hold on to the like, well, my kids won't love me if I don't get them exactly what they want on their Christmas list. It's not your responsibility. Like they will still love you if you don't make all their Christmas dreams come true. And they won't look back on Christmas and be like, well, that was the worst Christmas ever. And if they do, they maybe need an attitude adjustment.

07:15

Not gonna lie.

07:17

Because the whole point of Christmas is not about the gifts. It's not about the perfect dinner, having their favorite dish on the table or their favorite baking or their favorite treat. Like, yes, we want to do those things. And if there's space and time and finances for those things and you have the capacity for it, sure, by all means. We always want to do those things for those we love, right? But also, they're not gonna love you less. They're not gonna like opt out of being your kids just because

07:46

You didn't check every single box. And even having discussions, if you're in a place financially where you're like, Christmas baking is part of their gift. And so having expectations around like, hey, instead of gifts this year, we're gonna do fun activities. We're gonna go skating and we're gonna bake cookies and we're gonna go sledding. We'll have hot chocolate nights and movie and popcorn nights or whatever those things are. It's the memories.

08:16

and you showing up without going, I've checked all the boxes, there's presents under the tree, there's presents in the stockings, it's all done, it's all there, we've bought all the food, we've done all the things, they have everything that is their favorite, we have checked every single box, I'm a strung out mess, and the credit card, I have no idea how we're gonna pay that next month, but that's a tomorrow me problem. That doesn't serve you, that doesn't set your kids up for success in the future.

08:43

Do you want them to be in that position when they're in your shoes someday, stressing, and then come January, not knowing how they're going to pay their credit card bill or pay or keep their lights on in their house? Or you know, have to, I mean, I know parents that go to such extreme lengths to sell something of theirs that means a lot to them, so that they can buy gifts for their kids. And quite frankly, the gifts.

09:11

Well, they might be things that kids really want. I mean, it's stuff. How much stuff do we need to be happy? Stuff doesn't make us happy. Don't buy in to everything that's consumerism that's telling us right now, yelling at us that in order to be loved, in order to show your love, that you have to buy stuff for people. Whether that's your kids, your spouse, extended family.

09:41

Any of it.

09:45

If you set the expectations, that's gonna alleviate any of the comments that sometimes come from the kids because they're just trying to figure it out themselves. Their comments don't mean that you're a bad parent or that they don't love you or care about you or that they're not thankful for everything. If you set the expectations and come at it from a place of gratitude and like, hey, we're in this together, this is what we're doing this year, we're really excited to just

10:14

make it more about the reason for the season, for Christ's birth, for getting to spend time together as a family, for doing fun things. And whatever that looks like, whether you have, you know, you instead of buying stuff that's gonna probably get given away broken or like sold in the next couple of years anyways, um, cause the kids will quit playing with it. They'll end up in the back of the closet. They'll end up on buy and sell. I end up in the garbage.

10:43

You're gonna hate it because it's gonna drive you insane because it's loud.

10:48

You don't have to buy into that trap.

10:56

You don't.

10:59

The kids will remember the slumber parties under the Christmas tree, or the fun movie and popcorn and hot chocolate night, or the free skating that you take them to. It doesn't have to be this big, crazy, lavish thing at all to show your love. And same with significant others. Maybe one of the fun Christmas activities is Christmas baking.

11:29

which then you take and you give to your extended family as their gifts.

11:38

Because staying within what's a priority for you right now, I don't wanna say staying within your budget because budgets, it feels restricting. And that's not the point of budgets when you come at it from a healthy place.

11:57

when you come at it from a healthy place.

12:02

and you're saying, okay, what's a good steward of my finances in my life right now? I can guarantee you the kids would way rather you not be fighting with your spouse in three, four weeks when the credit card is due or stressing or trying or working another part-time job, like having to go get a second or third job outside of the home and be away from the kids more to pay that bill.

12:29

or where you dipped into savings or whatever those things were.

12:37

actually weren't needs. It's okay if you buy your kids pajamas for Christmas. I'm not talking about like the matching family pajamas. I'm talking about what they need in their closets. It's okay.

12:52

And it's not even that it's okay. That is a gift that is just as wonderful as the latest toy. If they get new skates for Christmas, when they're in figure skating or hockey or whatever that is, or new gear or whatever, that's just as much a gift as getting them some other toy that's on their list. You're already paying for them to be in that sport, which is a huge gift.

13:19

Understand that. Sit in that. Let go of the drama and what the media and society and everything tells us. And sit in the season for yourself. So go to the season. What do you want Christmas to feel like for you and your family? What do you and your spouse want it to feel like? How are you going to enjoy the holiday?

13:46

You carry so much. You don't.

13:52

You don't have, it's not about perfection. It's not about carrying, making it this like perfect magical Christmas. It's about the memories. You can make a perfect magical Christmas out of next to like nothing without buying any of the gifts, any of the things.

14:11

What is stewarding your finances well?

14:16

And the last piece is you get to choose and take ownership for this. It's not a, well, I have kids, I have to, oh, but you don't understand, I have to do this. No, oh, my kids, oh, well, this is like the expectation. Reset the expectations. You get to choose. If you wanna hold onto this, and if you're listening to this and you're like, she doesn't get it, she doesn't understand, then you're just fighting for that. And that's okay. But understand that you're choosing that. It doesn't have to be that.

14:45

if you wanted to choose a different path and believe a different belief. It's what you're hearing, it's what you're seeing, it's the stories you're telling yourself.

14:57

Come back to my story about when my parents, when my mom asked me which we preferred and we got stockings. And then I think we each had, we had like one gift, like one small gift wrapped under the tree that year instead of like multiple. And our stockings didn't have like, you know, like some of the years, all the craziness piled under them like beyond like, you don't even know what to do with all that stuff.

15:22

Guess what? We had just as much fun. We loved our parents just as much. It was just as good of a Christmas as the ones that there was like every gift under the sun.

15:42

And even with that...

15:46

I remember where, I mean, no one is perfect. And so I can look back on my childhood and I can see where even my parents fell into that trap of too much and trying to like check all the boxes. Now those are their choices and I'm not gonna judge them for their choices, just like I'm not gonna judge you. But when you see the effects of it, and I remember seeing the effects of it between my parents,

16:16

And after the fact, those are choices. So how can you take more ownership of the whole situation? How can you, you get to decide what feelings you wanna feel for Christmas. And if you're sitting there going, they're gonna open their present and they're gonna be disappointed and.

16:37

you get to choose how you perceive their reactions on Christmas morning.

16:46

And just because it's not like this crazy, explosive living room of wrapping paper and presents and you're tripping over stuff for the next week, and they're like, oh my gosh, we got so much stuff, blah, blah, blah. Just because they're not doing that doesn't mean that they don't love you, that they didn't have an incredible Christmas. Any of those things.

17:12

And the same goes for the rest of it. Whether it be for extended family, you're not obligated to buy Christmas gifts for any extended family. And if it's expected back, it's not actually a gift. It's like an earned thing. Gifts are meant to be given freely. And so if you're given a gift and you don't have one to give them in return, it's okay. You know you love them.

17:41

You've shown you love them by your words, by your actions, giving them a hug, telling them how much you love them.

17:51

They don't need a present back.

17:56

It's okay. It's great. It's not just fine. It's great. Step out of that consumerism box. Focus on what's most important versus what's important right now. I can guarantee you your kids will be much happier to still have the lights on in January and February than for the new toy.

18:25

that they got at Christmas. I can guarantee you your extended family would feel the same way if they knew that that money was coming out of your emergency fund, out of your savings, out of...

18:40

whatever other budget, your grocery budget, if it's adding more stress to your life, it's not worth it. I wouldn't want any of my loved ones for a second to sit in more stress and fear of how they're gonna pay their bills just because they bought me a present. I know they love me regardless.

19:04

Okay, choose your thoughts.

19:09

Choose to let go, reset the expectations, have conversations and communicate. And this even goes with, for extended family, oftentimes like growing up we had like cousins, like gift exchanges and things like that. Set the expectations between you and, you know, whether it's your siblings or your in-laws or whoever that is for you and say, hey, like we're not really doing as much on the gift thing this year, like, you know.

19:36

We're not gonna do the gift exchange. Maybe you guys can do it a different day or we'll come later, but my kids won't be participating. And then also even just with gifts in general and just like, hey, like, yeah, we're focusing on other things. The kids are in sports or the kids are in music or the kids like life. We're not doing many presents this year. Just a heads up, just so you know. So if your kids say something, then you know how.

20:04

to approach it, that's just not a priority for us, right? We're saving up for something as a family. Whatever those pieces are, set those expectations, have the conversations. And same with grandparents, you know, and your parents having the conversations and communicating, not like, hey, we can't afford that. Like, oh, don't talk to my kids about presents. But sometimes, again, people say things when they don't realize what's going on, but it can plant those seeds. And so just say, hey, like, you know, the kids are getting one present each this year.

20:33

We're really excited, you know, whatever. And, you know, we just don't need more stuff in the house. And it doesn't have to, it has nothing to do with whether or not you can afford the things. It's about stewarding your finance as well.

20:49

What is the best way to steward your finances? Doesn't mean you like opt out of Christmas and be a Grinch and tell your kids, well, we don't do Christmas. Not saying that. Saying come back to what's actually important. Yeah, buy them one present. Do they need 12? Probably not. Can it be practical, thoughtful things? Can it be experiences? Cause we don't, nobody needs more stuff.

21:20

Okay, I hope this has been helpful and encouraging and also a little bit real. Um, and encourages you in this season. And here's the other thing. If you have been doing all the shopping and all the things and you have all these gifts sitting in your room, it's okay to take them back. It's okay to return the items and not give them to your kids. Give them one.

21:48

Give them two, maybe three. Take the other 12 back. Send them back.

21:57

because you get to be in control of your finances and stewarding your money well.

22:06

regardless of if you can afford it or not. What's stewarding your life? What's the best option? What do they really need versus what do they want right now? Right? And you as a parent get to decide what your kids actually need.

22:26

Okay, I'll leave it at that. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope this has been helpful and encouraging. I have some really good episodes coming up in the new year. I can't wait to share with you all. So we'll see you soon.